Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
