Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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