I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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