i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
