I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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