Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
