So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
