who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
