The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
