All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
