please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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