I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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