I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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