Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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