i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
