I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
