Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
