I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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