Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
