He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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