In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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