dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Found the puke drawer
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
