I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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