he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
