well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
