The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
