if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
