There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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