it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I did not marry a roomba.
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