is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
