I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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