Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
