I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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