genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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