I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
