My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
