Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
