I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
