i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
