So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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