I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
