i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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