I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
