Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
time to smoke my breakfast
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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