Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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