I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
