Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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