How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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