can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
