Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
