I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
