Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You can't just leave with hair like that
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
40s are totally the cure
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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