Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
