Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
