Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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